Moving faster

Yesterday decided to went back early, had a run...and decided to do some groceries shoping with a housemate...

Somehow...a story need to be told...yeahh..agaian...i'm still having queries..rest assure, missing him getting lesser..yet wondering why he's doing this....and eagerly waiting for him to at least call or msg..yet got to be patiently waiting for it.....3 weeks....and i dont think he still have the same feeling towards me...dont think he want this relationship to work...he is letting it go the love...and what ever his promises are....hmmmm

We had a chat....and what i hope for...shattered...told her..what i have done since this is my first ever relationship...as i followed what friends told me need to be done...yes, i had scarifies.. a bit of spending and $$ and time with him rather than doing my research...and i taught its a part of accepting our partner down side....a sacrifices ...hmmmm..and yes, i have deleted my expectation and my perception in a relationship...

My dream in a reationship
1. Never ever go and meet with parents unless decided to get married seriously..
2. Dont try to sacrifies or willingly to belanja etc...have a limit
3. Spending too much time dating..not good....
4. The guy should be able to fetch, drive and send me back...willingly to pay for me..most of the time
5. Should be able to handle any crisis or problems arises
6. Able to handle and not a hot tempered...

Yes...this is wat i have blindly failed to do....due to this yesterday while lying on the bed...i was reflecting back on the bad experienced and words he mentioned which i ignore or forgotten..his words and action

1. if my mum were ever dislike you..i will never eagerly go out with you....
2. We had planned early for him to fetch me and send me..yet when his younger brother requested him to send him..he decided to send his brother back to shah alam and requested me to go back after lunch...hmmmm..priority more to his family....
3. He willingly to cancel our meeting for his family..while i would sometimes priority him over my friends and my family....
4. When we fight...early stage he would apologize...for once..and then..no apologizing...and his favorate phrase "barang yg lepas jgn dikenang"...yet...it repeats..
5. When he's angry...he will keep silent...while me after few days will try to call and make a decent conversation....end up...i will get the worst ever action/conversation...yet i can be patient...hmmm...love is blind..

well, this is what i told her....she some how knew about it...she told me her side of stories and mistakes she made....with her current fiance is much better compare to her ex....i told her..i prayed that, for my heart to close for any relationship....i can't waste my time anymore....somehow..she disagree and forbid me to do it again..somehow her reason was valid and have some senses...

i made the wrong prayers...its all about the mistakes i made..the wrong sacrifices...and think i did wrongly...i agree...when i reflect back..well....i reda..accept what ever have and had happened...i accept that this relationship will never work...and if he still love me and this relationship , he will never being silent for weeks....a man who love you..god and this relationship will never keep it silent..a solution and communication need to be executed...yes...

as i reached home..i grab a book "the last lecture"..as i read..i struck in my mind...if this is the barrier..the wall for me to archived my dream of having a happy family...i need to fix things..never give up..rest assure, dont think i will ever go back to him...no...its not a 1 party need to involved...i gave up...remember..but i doesn't mean i will not fall in love again...i'mm a bit wiser now...prayer..prayer...etc...yes....hating him...no..i will not..i should thank him...for giving me the meaning of being love....

I felt better...yes..my prayers are meet....yet..sometimes..i do miss the caring etc...who doesn't...now..slow getting back with my routine....i'm better...will be better..thank you for all the friends i had giving me a good advice..allowing me to make mistakes..learning the hard way..and getting the experienced i need to be more wiser.....